Why I Hate People (And Why Maybe You Should Too)

By Terri Kauffman

There is no race, color or creed, no socio-economic class, no physical ailment that carries a greater stigma in life than even the mildest mental illnesses. The only difference with my own personal mental illness, however, is that the stigma falls not on the patient (me), but on the rest of society (you). I was self-diagnosed a few years ago with what has come to be known as I.H.P.D., or by its full medical term I Hate People Disorder[1]. Okay, so it’s more something I made up than an actual diagnosis, but I contend that doesn’t make it any less real.

“You don’t hate me, do you?” That’s usually the first question I get when people are alerted to my condition. Chances are I probably do, but I always deny it anyway so as to not create further interaction. I believe there’s an assumption that these “people” (which, from here on out, should be considered a dirty word) that I hate are the same people everyone else hates anyway; rapists, murderers, pedophiles, bigots and people in the Bush Administration. But these people, while malignant to society as a whole, are benign to me personally. Do I have to wait behind the Bush Administration in line at the grocery store? Is it rapists and murderers who are hogging up all the dryers at the Laundromat? Are pedophiles the ones refusing to use their turn signals, even at four-way stops? You might argue, were you playing devil’s advocate, that a simple run-in with one of the aforementioned miscreants would far outweigh all the tiny disagreements with the lesser of society’s evils. But when you’ve been raped or your loved one has been murdered, at least you have recourse to the law. Not just as a means to enact punishment, but a venue for your voice to be heard and your pain and suffering to be legitimized. And, since there is no legal action available against the stupid, annoying, inconsiderate, over-talkative, over-sensitive, and under-educated masses, I am free (for now) in this country to exercise my right not to suffer in silence (which is, I might add, the very definition of “tolerance”) and to hate whomever I want for any reason at all.

Sometimes my friends and family feel my hate is unfairly indiscriminate, that the people I choose to hate may not deserve it. Though my reasons may seem silly to some, they may just not have considered the big picture before so recklessly passing judgment on me. For instance, today I hate people who wait in line at the McDonald’s for five minutes and yet, when it’s their turn to order, somehow still have no fucking idea what they want. How hard is it? The menu hasn’t changed in decades! What’s the big deal, one might wonder. After all, it’s just a few minutes out of your day, right? But those minutes belong to you, and you might wish you had them back when you’re on your deathbed saying goodbye to your loved ones. Those are precious minutes that this stupid and/or inconsiderate person has stolen from you, much like a thief who has stolen your material goods. Is that worth hating someone? I suppose that’s for each person to decide, but imagine those minutes added up, day-after-day, month-after-month, year-after-year; are those stolen moments worth more or less than any material goods stolen by an actual burglar? The difference, though, is that things stolen can be replaced, but time taken is literally irreplaceable[2].

If there is ever a time or place to beware of “time bandits”, it’s while driving on the freeways of Los Angeles. Any time you get into your car, no matter what city you might be in, you are, of course, putting yourself at risk, but Los Angeles in particular is wrought with some of the most selfish drivers in the world. People may not be as aggressive as drivers in more congested east-coast cities like New York or Philadelphia, but Los Angeles is a city for the self-absorbed. It’s a place where the response to being in the wrong lane is to camp out with your turn signal on until someone lets you in, and those behind, inconvenienced by your incompetent navigational skills, are just plain old fucked. Or if you want to turn left onto Sunset Boulevard at rush hour, go ahead and just pull out half way, blocking two lanes of traffic. That way, everyone in those lanes you’re blocking is just shit out of luck as you selfishly hold up traffic to serve your own personal interests. Have you ever noticed that sometimes a robbery is called a “hold up”? That’s because the worst part of being in a “hold up” is being held up from moving about your day; the part about the gun and the armed robber is just an added nuisance.

If there’s anything worse than people careless with other’s time, it’s people who are deliberate and reckless with it. I’ve never had the impulse to throw an empty soda can out of my car window or leave trash outside my car in a parking lot. Therefore, I have no guilt for hating the people that do. What kind of person is that unwilling to wait a few minutes until you can safely dispose of your trash without defacing your own streets, your own neighborhood, or even your own yard. Maybe it’s not a personality flaw quite as terrible as that of a pedophile or a murderer, but it’s a hell of a lot more common. Just notice the next time you drive along a highway or walk down a sidewalk, and instead of taking the garbage that lines those streets for granted, remember that most of those fast food bags, soda cans and candy wrappers were placed there deliberately by someone who can’t imagine a world beyond the immediate present, when there is a piece of trash in their hand that they want gone. It’s not just the fact that it’s littering, it’s the question of what else that same person would deem acceptable if they thought they wouldn’t get caught, either by the law or by the judgments of their peers. Would you rather live in a world with one Jeffrey Dahmer or with ten million litterers? I’ll take Dahmer and his deluxe fridge any day.

Hate and intolerance have been given a bad name over the past few years, and I say they’ve been unfairly stigmatized. After all, there was a time when a small group of people were intolerant of a majority called slave owners. After that, there were people intolerant of the poor treatment of women, blacks and other minorities. Perhaps one day, the Catholic Church will be a little less tolerant of pedophiles, Los Angelinos will be a little less tolerant of bad drivers, and Republicans will be a little less tolerant of corporate kick-backs to the officials they elect. And hate? Can hate be a good thing? Well it’s okay to hate Hitler and Mussolini, right? Maybe hating people who leave urine on public toilet seats or sit naked on the benches at the gym is just part of the natural order of the world. Does that mean those offenders should be arrested or lead to the slaughter? Of course not. Such extreme measures need not be taken since a little shame and embarrassment usually do the trick. When little kids show up at school and haven’t taken a bath in a few days, they are teased and ridiculed by their peers; and the result of that scorn and derision? The kids learn that bathing will save them from ridicule, relent to the peer pressure, grow up, and we all get to live in a more hygienic society. The next time you’re sitting next to someone who doesn’t smell, thank the kids in their first grade class who teased them mercilessly. Sometimes, a little hate and a little intolerance can go a long way towards a better society.

----------

[1]

Strangely enough, our fact-checkers scanned through the DSM-IV and couldn’t find this diagnosis. But instead of questioning the author, we chalked it up to the fact that our fact-checkers are (ironically) mildly retarded.
back up

[2]

And don’t be fooled by that wily Dr. Emmett Brown. Even if you are able to use the Flux Capacitor to go back in time, you’ll still have to duck your double. Unless you want a break in the time-space continuum. Idiot.
back up


back to the top