Copyright Page
© Duct Tape & Rouge, 2006. Issue Two. All Rights Reserved. Printed in the United States of America, with a combination of Microsoft Word formatting - not because it’s good, but because it’s free - regular photocopy machines and, depending on availability and cheapness, either staples or some fancier glue-fastening material. The final ingredient is a healthy mixture of sweat, blood, tears, and most importantly, vaginal and seminal fluids. The fluids were more accidental than anything, since we are both quadriplegic after a horrible tractor accident. Sometimes when we complete a satisfactory task and we feel good about ourselves – analogous to the feeling one gets when raping kittens – we unwittingly soil our diapers. Hey, stop judging us. Chris Reeves did it, as well as Stephen Hawking, and everyone ululates with joy over their crippled asses, so cut us some slack.
To go back to what we were initially saying, about our rights being fucking reserved, well it should go without saying that you shouldn’t steal any of the material enclosed without paying us in beer, vodka, tennis lessons, actual money (laundering optional) or homemade coupons for finger-banging or fist-fucking. Once again, all photos were found on Google™ images.
The Editors, placed in the following order not because of lazy alphabetizing, but by who has the more protruding genitals, are: RICK PAULAS & TARA RUBANO. And yes, we had to brake out the ruler for the order. It was closer than you’d think. Was it due to Ms. Rubano having extraordinarily floppy labia or Mr. Paulas having an extremely miniscule penis? We’ve included the following picture as a hint:
The Editors under more strenuous circumstances.
Tara on the left, Rick on the right.
To go back to what we were initially saying, about our rights being fucking reserved, well it should go without saying that you shouldn’t steal any of the material enclosed without paying us in beer, vodka, tennis lessons, actual money (laundering optional) or homemade coupons for finger-banging or fist-fucking. Once again, all photos were found on Google™ images.
The Editors, placed in the following order not because of lazy alphabetizing, but by who has the more protruding genitals, are: RICK PAULAS & TARA RUBANO. And yes, we had to brake out the ruler for the order. It was closer than you’d think. Was it due to Ms. Rubano having extraordinarily floppy labia or Mr. Paulas having an extremely miniscule penis? We’ve included the following picture as a hint:
The Editors under more strenuous circumstances.
Tara on the left, Rick on the right.
One more thing: We’ve finally made our way to the World Wide Web. Our page is currently http://www.ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/. We know. Using a free server like BlogSpot is usually reserved for nutty conspiracy blogs and places to post nude photos of your ex-girlfriend, and not serious literary enterprises like this one. Well, fuck you Mr. and/or Mrs. Fancy-Pants! Do you know how much money it costs to actually buy and design your own website? At least the price of 5 or 6 handjobs a week. Why don’t you just ask us to stop breathing? The good news is that, if you put the phrase “Paulas tits”, into an MSN search engine, a link to our site will be the first up. So, next time you’re looking for Ms. Abdul’s nip-slips or the most-likely-unavailable topless pictures of that girl Paula in your gym class, go ahead and give us a read when you’re done. We won’t feel too dirty. As long as you let your erection subside a bit.
And, as always, feel free to send us your articles. This general theme of this issue seems to be 1st-person accounts of true-life events (although we’re still having trouble believing that the last part of Dan’s piece actually happened), but we’ll take other stuff as well. We want this to be more of a potpourri of odd and humorous material. Feel free to send your lists, artwork, fiction, reviews, interviews with non-famous porn stars, chain letter curses, funny mustaches, recaps of your latest water-sports orgy, and bathroom stall graffiti to ducttapeandrouge@gmail.com.
And, as always, feel free to send us your articles. This general theme of this issue seems to be 1st-person accounts of true-life events (although we’re still having trouble believing that the last part of Dan’s piece actually happened), but we’ll take other stuff as well. We want this to be more of a potpourri of odd and humorous material. Feel free to send your lists, artwork, fiction, reviews, interviews with non-famous porn stars, chain letter curses, funny mustaches, recaps of your latest water-sports orgy, and bathroom stall graffiti to ducttapeandrouge@gmail.com.
And now, without further adieu …
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