The Brilliance Of James Dobson

By Gary Oldroyd

James Dobson is fond of comparing the possibilities of modern Stem Cell research to “research” done by Josef Mengele for the Nazi's. He's been all over the airwaves, and he's been popping up on shows like Hannity & Colmes.[1] Now I'm writing about him because finally I think he's really on to something. I've harbored nothing but ill will towards him previously, but I may have been premature in my assessment of his character. You be the judge.

Who is James Dobson? From his website:

"James C. Dobson, Ph.D., is founder and chairman of Focus on the Family, a non-profit organization that produces his internationally syndicated radio programs. Worldwide, Focus on the Family broadcasts on nearly 3,500 radio facilities in the U.S. and more than 5,000 internationally in 163 countries.Dr. Dobson's commentaries are heard by more than 200 million people by way of radio every day, including a program translation carried on state-owned radio stations in the Republic of China. He is seen on 80 television stations daily in the U.S."[2]

He's also written quite a few books, so I think it's fair to say that he has a substantial amount of support and influence. A quick synopsis of his recent book Bringing Up Boys reads as follows:

"Boys are different! But with pressure to be ‘gender neutral,’ many try to mold children into a one-size-fits-all model. Dr. Dobson explains why boys are the way they are, how to understand their emotional and physical development and the best way to motivate them to become godly men."[3]

Sounds interesting enough, and Dobson seems to have the clout to take on this issue, but before I go too far, let's take a look at Chapter 9. In it, Dobson provides a definitive explanation regarding the origins of homosexuality, and unlike most people who are against homosexuality, he actually offers a solution on how we can prevent this evil sin from happening. (I really think he's on to something here.)

From the book:

“Meanwhile, the boy's father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness.”[4]

I'm not entirely sure how you mirror and affirm your son's maleness, but I definitely think we should be doing that. “You're a male son, be a male!” “Look at me son, I'm a male!” I have no doubts that this routine, if administered regularly, would go a long way towards affirming a young boy's maleness, thus preventing him from turning out gay.

“He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl.”

He's talking about "rough-housing" here. Rough-house with your son, but don't rough-house with him the same way that you’d rough-house with your daughter. Makes sense to me. Kicking it up a notch with your son, all the while affirming his maleness would definitely go a long way towards gay prevention. Preach on, Dobby!

“He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball.”

I know what you're thinking, but the fact of the matter is, playing ball prevents homosexuality. Period. Everyone knows this, and it's high time we as a culture admit it. The gays have tried to make jokes about it by referring to each other as “The Pitcher” and “The Catcher”, but I, for one, don't find it funny.

“He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard.”

Hmmmm. I'm not entirely sure what Dobson is saying here as it applies to gay prevention, but I think he's making an analogy. I think he's referring to the “square wooden peg” as the male genitalia and the “square hole” as the female genitalia. The “pounding” probably refers to sexual intercourse. Bottom line: if you can't pound a peg into a hole, how are you going to be able to pound a woman?

“He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger."[5]

Ummm....hmmmm. Well look, Dobby has a Ph.D. If he says that taking showers with your dad and comparing penis sizes will keep you from turning out to be gay, then I gotta go with it. I went to film school, so what do I know?

There you have it folks. The gay issue in America is alive and well. For a while it looked like the gays were reeeeally making some progress. It looked like they were perhaps going to be treated as equals under the law. Thank God that hasn't happened yet, and thank God for people like James Dobson who have now equipped us with the tools to be able to prevent this sin against mankind.

God Bless you James Dobson.

And God Bless the United States of America.


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[1]

Aired on Fox News, where “We Report. You Decide” if the news is “Fair and Balanced.”
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[2]

I’ve never even heard of this faggot.
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[3]

Turning them into eunuchs accomplishes the same goal.
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[4]

For those in rural communities, this does not mean showing your kid how to rape animals effectively, with little kick-back resistance.
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[5]

And to really drive that point home, stick your large, adult male penis into your child’s tight little asshole. While he is crying in pain, tell him that it’s God’s way of showing how much he truly hates “those queers”.
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